In Desperate Need of a Romance Rescue

by Gina Parris

This passage is an excerpt from my forthcoming report, How to Have Really Great Sex When You’re NOT in the Mood. You can get a downloadable version of it in the link at the end.  Please comment below. (And be nice – this is very personal!!)

I'm just Not in the Mood

I'm just Not in the Mood

“Sometimes our greatest failure becomes the catalyst for our greatest strength, even if it takes years to turn it around.” –Gina Parris

“Help me, Doc”

It was one of my least favorite places to visit. The sanitary paper crunched beneath my seat as I sat dressed in a paper-towel gown.  Still, I needed a solution.  Full of embarrassment, I finally spoke up to my gynecologist.  “I think I need testosterone supplements.  Please?” I begged.

“Why do you think you have low testosterone?” she asked.

I thought back to the past several months.  Maybe it was years.  I could blame it on having four children, but the truth was, I had this problem on and off whether we had zero, one, two or four kids running around.

“Because,” I sulked, “If you ever saw my gorgeous husband and knew how little desire I have, you’d KNOW there was something wrong with me -and I’m definitely not attracted to women.”

“Well, let’s test it.” She said matter-of-factly.  No sex-ed to go along with this question.  Shortly, she shared her results.  “Gina, your testosterone levels are fine. You should have no problem with your sex-drive. You’re probably just tired with the twin babies.”

How depressing. So there was no magic cream to rub on my skin, to make me hot and bothered? Dread was starting to creep in, of more failure, more stress, more disappointment.  What was wrong with me?

I knew that I was capable of having sex – I had three pregnancies and four kids to prove it.  In fact, I seemed to remember really loving it some of those times too. But years went by after that day in the doc’s office – with no change. Sex happened sometimes once or twice a month and my guilt over the infrequency was always with me.  I would look at my stunning husband and wonder what would happen if certain women knew. He would be great prey for a “stalker” – the type of woman that makes her kill of the unmet needs of another’s man.  The idea filled me with grief.

No Way…

One day in total frustration my husband Paul, came up to where I was sitting, with his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face, he nearly exploded.

“Okay, this is it,” he said.  “From now on, we’re just going to have sex every day, whether we want to or not.”

I nearly gagged.  Making love to an angry man was not my idea of romance and I knew I would be frozen with dread anyway.  What a flop.  The months that followed often brought more stress, and more tears.

That had been some time ago.  Tonight I was not even thinking about sex.  I was just finally stumbling to bed, exhausted.

As I entered the room, the candles were lit and Paul was patiently waiting for me.

I nearly keeled over with panic. My heart sank, even as it beat faster.

As I staggered into the shower, I thought about of our years together – the great times, the children, my frustration with not making him happier.  With water pouring down on me, I suddenly thought of this crazy mindset technique I had seen on a video.  It had something to do with using your fingertips to tap on acupuncture targets on your face and torso while thinking of your distressing emotion.  It looked like the dumbest thing I’d ever seen in my life.

In desperation however, I gave it a try. I tapped on my eyebrows while saying to myself, “I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR SEX!”  I tapped under my eye while saying the same thing.  I tapped under my nose and under my mouth saying, “I’LL NEVER GET AROUSED.”  I tapped on my chest saying ‘NOT IN THE MOOD.”  I repeated it a few more times thinking, “I’M NOT IN THE MOOD!”

As I tapped the targets again, I began to feel aware of my body. I realized that my skin felt good with the hot water on it, and my body looked almost sexy too. Hmmm. Strange.  Finally I tapped again on those targets and thought to myself, “I choose to relax and be sexy.”

The dreadful panicky feeling was gone, though I can’t say I was feeling like a sex-goddess or anything.  I didn’t know what would happen, but I dried off and headed to bed. The whole thing had taken about 10 minutes.

Eureka!!

In the next moments everything was different!  It was like I stepped into a whole different body. I was completely relaxed, and yet totally exhilarated. I was happily aware of every passionate kiss, every loving touch.  My body went crazy with pleasure. For the first time in months, I looked closely in Paul’s eyes. We were together, so intimately connected. He was very happy. Everything he did felt incredible. It was the best sex I could remember having in a long, long time.

The next night I didn’t need to tap on any acupuncture targets. I just went to bed with my beautiful husband.  Same result – responsive, passionate, gratifying sex.  The next night we did it again, and it got better and better.

What WAS That?

It has now been several years since that “breakthrough night.” From that night on, our love life was rekindled and stoked. Our marriage is stronger than ever, and we are celebrating 20 years together.

Occasionally I still tap some reassuring ideas about my “sexiness,” but I have never worried about failure again. I can enjoy my husband every time.

In those early success days, my mind was racing with curiosity. What in the world was this tapping all about?   I poured over the videos that I had previously viewed for only moments before parking the set on the shelves.

This book will simply touch on the technique and focus on the issues beneath the issues.  I went on to tweak the method into a performance tool for athletes and other professionals in high-anxiety situations. My private story however, remained a secret, until now.  After all, it is very personal.

I am sharing this with you now only because I can’t bear to think of couples suffering needless stress like we did for so many years.  I wished I had learned much sooner. When I was suffering so much shame, I felt like I had no one to talk to about it- certainly no one with an answer!

The exciting secret is that we can actually change our body’s response to stress, so it acts in the way we want. We don’t have to be at the mercy of our moods.

It’s not JUST about great technique…

There is no shortage of sexual- technique books out there. You can scan the internet or bookstore shelves for all kinds of resources that teach you the cleverest new way to get maximum pleasure from sex.

I am a fan of freshness and skill – and I truly want you to check out my resource section, but I know that “not being in the mood,” is not a matter of technique.  It is emotional. In order to succeed and thrive in our most intimate places, it is necessary to rewire ourselves to be responsive, arouse-able and orgasmic!

Will your results be as fast as mine? I can’t say for sure. I do believe that if you do the exercises, follow along with the videos and audios then you will absolutely have the ability to enjoy yourself  like never before.

Perhaps your issues go deeper. For you, there is healing and happiness available for each area of your life and history. I care about you and your marriage. We are all different and precious and loved by our maker.

You can feel good now, and feel good in the months to come, on a deeper and deeper level.  Your loving romance will just be an expression of the love inside of you.

++++

This link will open in a new window, so please open it up and leave me your thoughts.  I SOOOO believe in you.  Oh yeah, can you help me out and share this post with your friends  Thanks!

I’m told it sounds weird to say, “I’m in your corner” when I’m talking about Sex, but you know what I mean!

I’m yours,


Gina Signature

For more info – Get More Help On Recovering Your Marriage Intimacy


  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caring-Creates-/228986840568 Sally G.

    This is relationship changing information Gina ~ may your message carry near and far and may it be received with open and welcoming arms! Awesome!!!

    • http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris

      Thank you Sally. Here we go!

  • lisamariemary

    You are strong and amazing and brave. It's awesome that you are using your story to help others, when it's such a personal story. Kudos to you!!

    • http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris

      Thank you Lisa!! You know I've been saying I'd do it for years, but I chicken out every year. No going back now. Bless you.

  • http://www.myrecipeforlife.com/ daniellemmiller

    oh my darling girl~ you are so brave and courageous in sharing your story! Women everywhere are going to resonate with you for taking an excruciatingly personal struggle and turning it into a triumph! You are going to make an amazing impact on women all over the world…I hope you are ready for it:-)

    Love YOU!

    • http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris

      Thanks for your vote of confidence Danielle. Yeah “excruciatingly personal struggle” perfectly describes a good 10 years of my beautiful 20 year marriage. “Lord, send us the gals who need this help.” That is my prayer.

  • http://www.reignitingromance.com/ Rachel Miller

    Whoo-hoo!! Go Gina! Way to put it out there! Your authenticity and bravery are going to help so many. I'm looking forward to helping you spread your message anyway I can.

    • http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris

      Thanks Rachel. You've been so encouraging this whole way. I can just imagine what my high-performance athlete and stock market trader clients are wondering right now. Like “What
      the heck is Gina doing?” Oh boy. The time has come. Let's do this thing!

  • Tanya Smith

    Gina,
    Thank you again for stepping up and tackling the 'Hippo-In-The-Corner' of so many marriages and relationships today!! I've been exactly where you were, as I know so many women have – desperately wanting to have a better love-life with their husband/partner, but not having the energy or self-confidence of knowing how to do it!!
    We all start out with great intentions, and then life takes over – we're being pulled in 100 different directions, being told every day in the media that anything less than a perfect airbrushed body isn't desirable…and the biggest dirtiest secret of all that nobody dares mention is that it affects all women – from the boardroom CEO to the stay at home Mom, and everyone in-between!

    So hats off to you Gina – you're voicing what so many of us struggle with!! Let's start a revolution girl….show all our sisters today that married and long-term sex, with all our insecurities, and post-baby saggy bits can be FUN!! And the greatest reward is that fabulous connection you recapture with your man!
    Let's get giggly, and wobbly, and messy, and maybe even a little bit romantic…and start a LOVE LIFE REVIVAL!! :-))

    Looking forward to it kicking off with with your fabulous call!!

    Tanya Smith
    (I still haven't worked out how to put my photo in!!)

    • http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris

      Yeah Tanya – “tackling the ole hippo-in-the-corner” That is hilarious, since most of the time, I thought the problem was the “hippo in the mirror!” Thanks for joining my quest for a revolution – of appreciation for long-term, post-perfection, FUN and and LOVING connection with our mate. Whew! I'm feeling so encouraged.
      Oh yeah – I think you just sign in with twitter or make a disqus account http://www.disqus.com so we can see your darling face here.

  • http://www.gfessentials.com/ Johnita

    This sounds like a wonderful program. I've tried tapping before but I think it was the wrong time and for the wrong reason, I look forward to seeing and hearing more. Thank you

    • http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris

      Oh that's awesome! I hope you're joining our call. I'm so excited for it. http://bit.ly/cPi9D6

  • http://www.EngagedMarriage.com/ Dustin | Engaged Marriage

    This is excellent! Thank you for sharing!

    • http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris

      Yay, Dustin! You're one of my heroes in this niche. Let me know of anything I can do to support you as we reach people.

  • http://simplemarriage.net Corey

    This is interesting Gina-

    I've heard of the body's pressure points and how they are tied to the various aspects of our mood, emotions, and life – but I've yet to come across someone who's used them this way! Great idea, especially if it works. I hope this spreads like wildfire for others.

    And thanks for being personal about a subject not talked about near enough.

    • http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris

      Thank you Corey! and have I told you how much I enjoy your blog? Yes, this is one of the techniques I use with my clients with great results. The key is the willingness to acknowledge and the distressing emotions and the willingness to create empowering choices.

      We are truly fearfully and wonderfully made!

  • tailwags

    EFT to get in the mood–wow, what a great idea! I've used tapping for all kinds of things, but not sex. Duh. Of course! Thanks so much for the honesty, courage, and creativity that went into this post!

    • http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris

      Ha ha of course. It was actually the FIRST thing I ever tried tapping on, but I certainly never said that to a whole dugout of baseball players – or a room full of stock option traders!

  • http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris

    Ha ha of course. It was actually the FIRST thing I ever tried tapping on, but I certainly never said that to a whole dugout of baseball players – or a room full of stock option traders!

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