This passage is an excerpt from my forthcoming report, How to Have Really Great Sex When You’re NOT in the Mood. You can get a downloadable version of it in the link at the end. Please comment below. (And be nice – this is very personal!!)“Sometimes our greatest failure becomes the catalyst for our greatest strength, even if it takes years to turn it around.” –Gina Parris
“Help me, Doc”
It was one of my least favorite places to visit. The sanitary paper crunched beneath my seat as I sat dressed in a paper-towel gown. Still, I needed a solution. Full of embarrassment, I finally spoke up to my gynecologist. “I think I need testosterone supplements. Please?” I begged.
“Why do you think you have low testosterone?” she asked.
I thought back to the past several months. Maybe it was years. I could blame it on having four children, but the truth was, I had this problem on and off whether we had zero, one, two or four kids running around.
“Because,” I sulked, “If you ever saw my gorgeous husband and knew how little desire I have, you’d KNOW there was something wrong with me -and I’m definitely not attracted to women.”
“Well, let’s test it.” She said matter-of-factly. No sex-ed to go along with this question. Shortly, she shared her results. “Gina, your testosterone levels are fine. You should have no problem with your sex-drive. You’re probably just tired with the twin babies.”
How depressing. So there was no magic cream to rub on my skin, to make me hot and bothered? Dread was starting to creep in, of more failure, more stress, more disappointment. What was wrong with me?
I knew that I was capable of having sex – I had three pregnancies and four kids to prove it. In fact, I seemed to remember really loving it some of those times too. But years went by after that day in the doc’s office – with no change. Sex happened sometimes once or twice a month and my guilt over the infrequency was always with me. I would look at my stunning husband and wonder what would happen if certain women knew. He would be great prey for a “stalker” – the type of woman that makes her kill of the unmet needs of another’s man. The idea filled me with grief.
One day in total frustration my husband Paul, came up to where I was sitting, with his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face, he nearly exploded.
“Okay, this is it,” he said. “From now on, we’re just going to have sex every day, whether we want to or not.”
I nearly gagged. Making love to an angry man was not my idea of romance and I knew I would be frozen with dread anyway. What a flop. The months that followed often brought more stress, and more tears.
That had been some time ago. Tonight I was not even thinking about sex. I was just finally stumbling to bed, exhausted.
As I entered the room, the candles were lit and Paul was patiently waiting for me.
I nearly keeled over with panic. My heart sank, even as it beat faster.
As I staggered into the shower, I thought about of our years together – the great times, the children, my frustration with not making him happier. With water pouring down on me, I suddenly thought of this crazy mindset technique I had seen on a video. It had something to do with using your fingertips to tap on acupuncture targets on your face and torso while thinking of your distressing emotion. It looked like the dumbest thing I’d ever seen in my life.
In desperation however, I gave it a try. I tapped on my eyebrows while saying to myself, “I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR SEX!” I tapped under my eye while saying the same thing. I tapped under my nose and under my mouth saying, “I’LL NEVER GET AROUSED.” I tapped on my chest saying ‘NOT IN THE MOOD.” I repeated it a few more times thinking, “I’M NOT IN THE MOOD!”
As I tapped the targets again, I began to feel aware of my body. I realized that my skin felt good with the hot water on it, and my body looked almost sexy too. Hmmm. Strange. Finally I tapped again on those targets and thought to myself, “I choose to relax and be sexy.”
The dreadful panicky feeling was gone, though I can’t say I was feeling like a sex-goddess or anything. I didn’t know what would happen, but I dried off and headed to bed. The whole thing had taken about 10 minutes.
In the next moments everything was different! It was like I stepped into a whole different body. I was completely relaxed, and yet totally exhilarated. I was happily aware of every passionate kiss, every loving touch. My body went crazy with pleasure. For the first time in months, I looked closely in Paul’s eyes. We were together, so intimately connected. He was very happy. Everything he did felt incredible. It was the best sex I could remember having in a long, long time.
The next night I didn’t need to tap on any acupuncture targets. I just went to bed with my beautiful husband. Same result – responsive, passionate, gratifying sex. The next night we did it again, and it got better and better.
What WAS That?
It has now been several years since that “breakthrough night.” From that night on, our love life was rekindled and stoked. Our marriage is stronger than ever, and we are celebrating 20 years together.
Occasionally I still tap some reassuring ideas about my “sexiness,” but I have never worried about failure again. I can enjoy my husband every time.
In those early success days, my mind was racing with curiosity. What in the world was this tapping all about? I poured over the videos that I had previously viewed for only moments before parking the set on the shelves.
This book will simply touch on the technique and focus on the issues beneath the issues. I went on to tweak the method into a performance tool for athletes and other professionals in high-anxiety situations. My private story however, remained a secret, until now. After all, it is very personal.
I am sharing this with you now only because I can’t bear to think of couples suffering needless stress like we did for so many years. I wished I had learned much sooner. When I was suffering so much shame, I felt like I had no one to talk to about it- certainly no one with an answer!
The exciting secret is that we can actually change our body’s response to stress, so it acts in the way we want. We don’t have to be at the mercy of our moods.
It’s not JUST about great technique…
There is no shortage of sexual- technique books out there. You can scan the internet or bookstore shelves for all kinds of resources that teach you the cleverest new way to get maximum pleasure from sex.
I am a fan of freshness and skill – and I truly want you to check out my resource section, but I know that “not being in the mood,” is not a matter of technique. It is emotional. In order to succeed and thrive in our most intimate places, it is necessary to rewire ourselves to be responsive, arouse-able and orgasmic!
Will your results be as fast as mine? I can’t say for sure. I do believe that if you do the exercises, follow along with the videos and audios then you will absolutely have the ability to enjoy yourself like never before.
Perhaps your issues go deeper. For you, there is healing and happiness available for each area of your life and history. I care about you and your marriage. We are all different and precious and loved by our maker.
You can feel good now, and feel good in the months to come, on a deeper and deeper level. Your loving romance will just be an expression of the love inside of you.
This link will open in a new window, so please open it up and leave me your thoughts. I SOOOO believe in you. Oh yeah, can you help me out and share this post with your friends Thanks!
I’m told it sounds weird to say, “I’m in your corner” when I’m talking about Sex, but you know what I mean!
For more info – Get More Help On Recovering Your Marriage Intimacy