“FEARLESS…is much more than just being UNAFRAID…it means that you’re WEAK and acknowledge it, it means you’re STRONG enough to get back up and MOVE ON. Fearless means you are READY to FACE whatever is headed your way.”

― Anonymous

“But what if I’m NOT ready to face whatever is headed my way? I’m just so sick of feeling like a failure.”

Danielle was a world-class gymnast, who was feeling like her dreams were slipping away. She’d put in years of hard work, and now her coach wasn’t even sure she should keep competing.

-Feeling like a failure

“I’m sick of disappointing my parents.

I’m tired of not being good enough.

I just want to be happy.”

It’s the refrain of thousands of student athletes. But honestly, it’s also the cry of many adults.

“What if I’m not good enough?”

The fear of finding out can be unbearable. Placing your identity all in your game can be a setup for disaster.

Good news:

No matter how long you’ve felt stuck in a spiral of defeat, you can change your perspective and compete like a champion.

1. Know what you truly want.

Ultimately the athlete or any other competitor wants to be happy.

The mistake is thinking that happiness is the result of success.

In reality, happiness is an inside job. Playing for the joy of the game improves your performance.

So if happiness is what you truly want, start there! The battle is for the peace and joy and composure that is yours all along.

2. Release what you can’t control

Stress hormones kick in the minute you fight things beyond your control. Stress and anxiety diminish your performance. So let go of the past disappointments and future fears. Right now the present moment is your friend. Tune into it.

Take several deep breaths and acknowledge your disappointment saying, “I release it and let it go.”

Now focus on what you can control – choosing new challenges, your relationships with your team, your breathing, your attitude. You are powerful!

3. Remind yourself how good you have it.

Maybe you are still in the best shape of your life. Maybe you are actually doing that thing you dreamed of for years. Maybe you still love the smells, the sounds, the sensations, and challenges that come with your game. You have just as many great memories as frustrating ones. Focus on those.

Choose something you truly enjoy about your game and ask yourself, “Why do I feel so great?”

4. Take the very next step

You don’t know what the outcome will be of any season, let alone your next competition. So instead of being stuck in fear and dread, take the steps above and then just take the next step…and then the next.

What you achieve when you win is not as important as who you become along the way.

Danielle took all these keys to heart when she was at a low point, and was thrilled with how quickly her state and her performance changed.

“I feel like myself again!”

THAT’S the ultimate goal; to feel like your real self again – happy to compete with passion.

You’ve got this.

I’m in your corner.

Now go play.

We don’t usually get what we deserve in this life – we get what we positively expect.

Nathan was dragging his feet heading to his middle school baseball game.

“What is wrong with you?” I asked.

With a long face he replied,

“We’ll probably just lose. All we do is lose. It’s no fun.”

Tip: When you expect to lose, it’s hard to win.

I reminded him that is seemed pretty silly to spend the whole year looking forward to baseball season and then waste all these hours depressed about baseball season.

“Guess what – that pitch that comes to you at the batter’s box has no idea that you expect to lose. It has no idea that you feel bummed-out about the season. Why not look at that single pitch exactly like you would if you were state champs and it was a regional playoff game? The worst that will happen is you have fun again.”

He struggled with my idea for a moment but then decided he liked it

A few hours later, childlike enthusiasm engulfed the team as they played hard and yes, lost. I wish I could say every great expectation led to the perfect outcome, but that’s not the case. However, you can choose to enjoy the process and make adjustments for growth. That’s the path to victory.

Even though I’d seen it all, the boy gave me his own exuberant play by play of each at bat. Yes, he was mad about the loss, especially after such a close game, but at least he had recovered his swing. The next game delivered up a victory.

Your expectations play into your performance. Why not change your expectation from painful to pleasurable? You can’t control the outcome, but you can expect to do well in the process.

Think of a goal you have right now. Do you expect it to go your way? On a scale of 1-10, how much faith do you have?

Now, with positive expectation, focus on what you can enjoy as you pursue the victory.

You got this. I believe in you.

I wanted to share this cool photo that was on the Tennessee Tech website this past week. That’s my firstborn, Jordan Parris, living his college dream on the baseball field. His Golden Eagles defeated Vanderbilt this week. Vanderbilt was ranked 2nd in the country at the time, and they play in a whole different conference. It was very exciting, and apparently left those Vandy boys completely disgusted and ready to kill them in the post season. Haha! Ooooh well, there’s lots of pitches between now and then.

Did you know college sports were started to teach life lessons through sport? So let’s learn something! Here are some keys to winning teamwork.

BUILDING AN OUTSTANDING TEAM

Leaders often talk about the 3 C’s of a great team. I definitely see these in that Tennessee Tech baseball team. Do you recognize these qualities in your team? How about in your household?

-Competence: Being good at what you’re called upon to do. It’s hard to win if you can’t play well. Playing well comes from practicing with competent instruction, feedback and adjustment.

-Character: Moral excellence and firmness. Many people have competence that can take them places where their poor character cannot keep them. Develop a spirit of excellence and a high moral standard. It will help you get to the top and enjoy it there.

-Chemistry: Liking each other. The more we understand and appreciate our teammates, the more we will develop chemistry. However on a great team, like a great marriage, the chemistry is apparent during the choosing process. Choose your circle of friends wisely and if you’re on a team you did not choose, then work to develop unity and friendship.

I would add the power of Commitment – to each other and to a common goal.

When you love your teammates, you’ll often find yourself working harder for them than you might for yourself. That’s the beauty of commitment. When we know where we’re going, the journey is more powerful with a team.

The mistake is putting pressure on yourself for fear of “letting everybody down,” which is a phrase I hear often from my performance clients.

Play your game for the love of it. Those who have high hopes for you just want to see you play from that place of passion and freedom.

You can do this!

I believe in you.

-Gina

Gina Parris is a performance coach & speaker who helps competitors end anxiety, enlarge their faith and reach their God-given potential. Get her free mental mastery mini-course on the sidebar of this blog.

Remember when teachers used to take attendance verbally at the beginning of class? I clearly recall the first day of my sophomore year at North Central High School in Spokane, Washington. As the veteran teacher, Mr. Hopkins, recited the names on the roll, students slouched in their seats and mumbled their replies:

“…here…”

“…here…”

“…here…”

“…here…”

Then he got to the “F’s” and I knew I was next. I was curious how he would say my Italian last name. Nobody ever pronounced it correctly. It should sound like “Fra-JAIR-ee”

“Gina…,” He said, pausing over the next syllables. Then as if he’d been an old family friend, “…Frigeri” He looked up with a question mark.

Breaking the norm of mumbled responses, I sat up and exclaimed,

“You pronounced my name perfectly! High five to you! And I am PRESENT!”

He smiled for just a moment, but I became his favorite student that day.

 Are You Present?

What about you, right now – are you present?

 Embracing your presence brings you favor.

Embracing the present brings you peace.

Playing in the present is the only way to win.

Here’s some keys to living in the moment and enjoying the present.

1. Take a deep breath and focus on your breathing. Check in with your body. Are you alive? Then that’s a good day.

 2. Really notice everything you can take in with your senses.

 3. Ask yourself, “Why do I love it here?’

Your first response might be to think,

“I don’t love it here, that’s why I’m halfway checked out.”

But in reality, the more present you become, the more magic you find in the mundane.

Here’s a tip:

When you are with other people, be all the way present. You may be shocked at how much your full attention makes an impact on someone – even if you only see them for a few moments.

The secret to living really is giving. You can give of yourself just by being fully present.

That way, whatever you are doing – it is a gift.

The way you play your sport, the way you study at school, the way you tend to your work. If you do it all with your whole heart, then you are giving OF yourself.

This is just as valid as giving TO a cause, because it’s from a generous heart.

We inspire others by living and playing all out.

That is a gift, and it only happens by embracing the present moment.

Are you present? Yes, I believe you are.

Now, go play!

-Gina

“Don’t get your hopes up – you’d hate to be disappointed.”

It’s an axiom we seem to learn in childhood. However, it is NOT our natural God given approach. Look at young children. Do they get their hopes up? You bet they do!

We all had a beginning where we chased life with abandon.

Remember when you had no limits?

You didn’t make decisions based on what anybody was thinking or not thinking of you. You didn’t plan for failure.

You just chased life!

And then it happened. You either faced disappointment, or someone older and wiser warned you about the risk of failure.

“You’d hate to be disappointed.”

“Watch out.”

“Don’t get your hopes up.”

The words echo in our psyche. They haunt us like the ghost of Christmas failed.

And now, here I am, a professional motivator. Yet at times I find myself considering decisions based in doubt. I feel a momentary need to protect my kids.

As we drive along the country roads I wonder…

What if they don’t make the team there?

What if she doesn’t get that scholarship?

What if the project flops?

“Mom, I can play with those guys!”

The words of my 14 year old interrupt my thoughts.

He senses my doubts that he is “good enough.”

We just came from a visit to a school with a very well known baseball program and we are looking at homes in that school district.

The coach seemed ambivalent to him trying out. He was even more stumped as to where the boy might play summer ball.

A different coach in the adjacent district was thrilled at the thought of him playing for him – both in the summer and in the school years.

Choices.

And then there are the home prices. One district is considerably more expensive than the other.

What if we’re not rich enough, good enough, popular enough..?

How weird. They questions are fleeting and irrational but they come up all the same.

What to do?

What if instead of worrying, we take accurate assessments and ask for Divine Guidance? What if we really are His sheep, and we really can hear His voice? What if God really does lead us in the way we should go and teach us how to profit?

We are either in faith or in fear. We are either being led by the spirit or charging forth in the flesh.

Here’s great news: We can always step back and make an adjustment.

What happens when we seek first the Kingdom? All the other stuff is added.

It’s okay to have moments of doubt and fear. But just because a bird flies through the air doesn’t mean it can build a nest in your hair.

Take a deep breath. Get clear on what you truly want.

Then make a decision. Successful people don’t always make the right decision. But they do find ways to make the decision right. You can hear Truth in your ear saying, “Go this way.”

You can do this! I believe in you and I’m right there with you.

Note: This post first appeared in 2006, but since my most recent post included a photo of Jordan Parris on his college team, this old one caught my eye and made me chuckle. How time flies. -Gina

THE POSTURE OF DEFEAT

“Strike three!”

The inning was over and the player headed to the dugout, head down, face tense and shoulders slumped.

Worse yet, as the rest of his team took the field, the posture on all of the players looked remarkably similar – defeated.
I turned into the loud-mouthed performance coach,

“Get those shoulders back! Put your chins in the air!”

But it was to no avail. The players had frustration coursing in their muscles. They could not bring themselves to act differently than they felt.

Here’s the secret: Your actions have the power to change your feelings!

Practice this exercise: Think of a specific time when you were feeling totally successful and victorious. Remember every detail as clearly and brightly as possible.
-How did you stand?

-How did you breathe?

-What expression was on your face?

-What thoughts were you thinking just before your success?

Now stand up and remember a time you were totally frustrated and embarrassed.

-How did you stand then?

-How did you breathe? (Did you forget to breathe?)

-What expression was on your face just before your “crash?”

As you are reliving your frustrating moment, you should be able to feel the emotion of it.

Now, switch posture. Choose the empowering posture of your first memory – the great one. Just choose the posture and the breath, and the facial expression.

Did you feel a difference? You are the master of your fate. You can choose power at any moment. Chances are, you are perfectly equipped to face whatever it is that is confronting you right now.

Refuse to go at it in fear. Put your game face on.

Now, go play!

1 Corinthians 9:24
Run in such a way as to get the prize.

editor’s note: The subject of this photo, Mr Jordan Parris, takes issue with being described as having “defeated posture” in this pic. He says that was not the case. (This is true, it was taken at a game where his team kicked some buns.) I say it was the only thing in my archives to stick up there. Sorry Jordan….now, go play!

They went 4 separate ways after playing baseball at Tullahoma high school:

In 2009, left handed pitcher Josh Bryant took his JUCO scholarship at top-ranked Walters State, before heading to Cookeville. Then in 2010, pitcher Jacob Honea went to Motlow, where he excelled on the mound. Also in 2010, catcher Jordan Parris headed to Columbia State, where his senior season saw him pick off 18 runners and hit to a .383 average.  In 2011, Pitcher David Hess left Tullahoma to go straight to Tennessee Tech where he was named to the Ohio Valley Conference All-Freshmen team for his 51 strikeouts in 61 innings pitched.

Now the four Tullahoma standouts proudly don the purple and gold together for the Tennessee Tech Golden Eagles of 2013.

When asked what he thinks about his former players ending up in a mid-major Division 1 program, THS Coach Brad White smiles big,

“I am very excited for these young men. They were the foundation for the success we have had at Tullahoma. I can’t wait to see them leave their mark on TTU as well.”

About having his former teammates joining him, Hess says,

“I’m very excited about having Josh and Jordan and Jacob with me again. They all bring leadership both on and off the field that is so important for a great season.”

Coach Matt Bragga, who is entering his tenth year as head coach at Tech, has only words of praise for his Tullahoma players saying,

“We are thrilled to have these 4 young men from Tullahoma. These guys are such quality young men first and foremost and all of them are great baseball players! Each of them brings something unique to our ball club that help make our team a special ball club. Amazing that Tullahoma High School could have all these young men on one team! I look forward to watching these young men have an amazing season!”

The players will tell you that their whole team has an amazing blend of talent and chemistry and they expect to continue to make us proud.

The Golden Eagles start their season Friday February 15, against Illinois in Cookeville. A complete schedule can be found here: Tennessee Tech Baseball Schedule 2013 

“Fear will either stop you or strengthen you. It will be your end or your energizer.” –Gina Parris

We live in a world that is tormented by fear:

-fear of failure

-fear of rejection

-fear of loss

-fear of lack

-fear of sickness

-fear of death

Fear is a part of a world that has fallen from grace.

Unfortunately fear  gives birth to the very thing feared, because fear is simply faith gone bad.

Faith is always the substance of things hoped for just as fear is the substance of things dreaded.

That’s the bad news.

The good news is that fear can also be the catalyst for growth and strength.

Fear can come against you and you choose to say,

“I dare you fear, to try to stop me!”

As you move forward in the face of fear, you display courage.

Courage makes you stronger.

And once you are on the other side of that thing you once feared, you will never fear it again. That is growth.

Where there is great fear, there is great courage.

And what is the power that will propel you to muster such courage?

It’s love.

Only love has the power to drive out fear.

Anger does not.

Disappointment does not.

Hunger does not.

Whether you are facing fear of failure or fear of rejection, love makes you take the risk.

Receive Unconditional love from the One who is Love.

Then you will find that fear cannot stop you, it can only strengthen you, as you move forward with purpose.

Now, go play – and enjoy your game!